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A Painful Realization

Good morning! I hope everyone had a good Easter. Ours was filled with lots of good food and plenty of family catch-up time. It often amazes me that we have our parents living so close and yet hardly ever go over and visit. It was nice to bring everyone up to speed on wedding plans and hear what was going on with everyone else.

All eyes are back on Boston today – and hopefully the event will be uneventful and wonderful for all those who participate. If the weather there is like it is here – it should be perfect: overcast, drizzly, and in the low 50s.

Psychologically it was a rough weekend. I went in to try my wedding dress on and… it didn’t fit. Bonus: it wasn’t even close. Back when I ordered the dress in September I was on a weight loss roll and had lost 30 pounds since mid-Summer. The dress would be a bit snug, but another 5 or 10 pounds and it would be perfect. Well… then my hair loss happened and I had to stop the diet. Stress kicked in (along with moping around the house) and 18 of those pounds went back on.

For anyone thinking “I told you so”, well you were right. It’s a cruel fate that I can gain so easily and can’t ever seem to keep it off. So now realistically I’m about 23-28lbs off from fitting into the dress. When you consider that the wedding is in Sept, that doesn’t seem too bad… but the first fitting needs to be 3 MONTHS before – which means I have 5 weeks. 23lbs in 5 weeks? Not practical.

Equal parts heartbroken and mad at myself, I commiserated with one of my bridesmaids on Friday night. She made a delicious dinner while our guys went off and did manly things, and we sat and chatted about remedies.

Delicious stuffed peppers:

026

She served it alongside garlic mashed potatoes and rosemary bread.

027

And, in usual fashion, I drowned my sorrow in sugar:

028

It’s hard to admit, but I really, really am addicted to sugar. Plus food itself is such a comfort thing for me. If I’m upset, food makes me feel better. If I’m bored, food helps. Etc, etc…

So we have a few options. I could grab a dress from the clearance section of the store and be done with it all, I could work for a month and see where things are / what options the seamstress has for me, I could wear my friend’s wedding dress that fits me perfectly right now (minimal alterations needed). I can’t stomach the idea of shelling more $$ out for an overpriced dress I’ll wear once but you have to wear something. I’m feeling better knowing I have a back-up plan in place.

As to the weight loss / weight gain front, it needs to be addressed ASAP. It’s odd because I’ll gain .2 here, .4 there – which on its own seems like nothing, but over 4 months… it shockingly adds up. Ben did some research and thought we should try a one month program of gym/diet that has coaches. We signed up together so I don’t have to do it alone. Basically it’s a conditioning class 3x a week and then a diet plan you follow. We had orientation on Saturday and joined the first class – and it kicked my butt. I’m STILL extremely sore this morning (and we have to go again tonight!). We’ll see how that goes.

I’m optimistic about this new program but only because it has to work. I’m out of options and out of time. In truth, I’m devastated, ashamed, and mad at myself. Why aren’t I more disciplined? How did I eat that poorly? It’s hard admitting my shortcomings to the public like this, but there’s no point in hiding the harsh reality. Plus, we all struggle with something.

So starting today we’re on a 28 day diet plan and boot camp program. I’ll be back tracking what I eat daily and getting a minimum of three boot camp sessions in each week. I’ll keep you posted and we’ll see how things go.

Meanwhile, keep your fingers crossed for me.

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3 Responses

  1. Hugs to you Ali. I sympathize with the easy gaining. Weight loss is a hard thing and diets don’t help, you know? It’s something everyone struggles with. Just live as healthy as you can and take whichever option happens for you, whether it be your dress or a backup one. You will be beautiful at your wedding no matter what.

  2. I really feel for you Ali. I had lost weight and then gained some back. It is a never ending battle. Just do your best now. I think we are destined in life to be a certain weight and no matter how much we try to lose weight we go back to that old weight. At least you have options. You will look wonderful at your wedding and you have a wonderful guy helping you.

  3. Don’t beat yourself up about it. I think you look great! The wedding is about a “marriage” not a dress anyway.

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